(without losing your mind)

If your toddler suddenly becomes the most creative, charming, and inquisitive version of themselves the moment you say it’s time for bed…you’re just not imagining it. That request for one more book, another glass of water, or a brand new existential question about where clouds come from is part of a very normal phase of early childhood.

In case you’re new around here, I’m Jess, a pediatric occupational therapist and mom of two, and I’m here to tell you that bedtime stalling is not only common…. it’s expected.

Toddlers are wired to test boundaries, and bedtime is one of the ripest opportunities to do so. That’s because bedtime signals an upcoming separation from you, and your toddler’s brain isn’t fully sure they’re okay with that just yet. Add in a developmental drive for autonomy and curiosity, and suddenly the bedtime routine turns into a full-blown negotiation.

So first, let’s take a deep breath. You’re not doing anything wrong if your toddler is trying every trick in the book to stay awake or keep you in their room longer. You’re also not alone. But you can support your toddler’s development, protect your peace, and make bedtime smoother by understanding what’s going on underneath the surface AND responding with a plan.

Why toddlers stall at bedtime

Toddlers thrive on connection and predictability. Bedtime represents a break in that connection. Even if they’ve been with you all day, the idea of being alone in a room, separated from you for hours, can trigger some big feelings. Most toddlers don’t have the words to express this directly, so instead, it comes out through behaviors like requests, negotiations, fears, and stall tactics.

At the same time, their brains are growing rapidly. They’re learning how to influence their world, how rules work, and what happens when they push limits. Bedtime becomes the perfect testing ground: it’s predictable, emotionally-charged, and repetitive. That’s why the stall tactics don’t just show up once, they show up every night. Unless you have a plan.

So what do you do when bedtime becomes a battle?

The most effective thing you can do is respond with calm consistency. If you respond differently every time, bedtime becomes unpredictable and unpredictable routines create more anxiety and more stalling. But when your response is consistent, predictable, and boring (yes, boring), your child’s nervous system begins to feel safer, and the stalling tends to decrease.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every stall tactic overnight. The goal is to reduce the reward your toddler gets from engaging in the power struggle. It might take a few weeks before you notice a change in behaviors around bedtime, but I promise you: peaceful bedtime routines ARE possible.

And the easiest way to do that? Be proactive.

Be proactive, not reactive

Most stalling behaviors are completely predictable. Once you start noticing a pattern — whether it’s asking for more snacks, requesting another trip to the potty, or saying they’re scared, you can build a proactive plan into your routine that addresses it before it even begins.

If your toddler tends to ask for a snack at bedtime, offer one every single night *before* they ask. Keep it the same boring snack so it doesn’t become a novelty. If they decline, that’s fine. The key is that YOU offered it first. This reduces the chance that they’ll use hunger as a negotiation tactic later on.

If water is the thing they always request after lights out, include a sip of water as a regular part of your bedtime routine. For older toddlers, you can leave a water bottle in their sleep space so they know it’s there. The predictability takes away the power of the request.

And if your toddler asks to go potty for the fifth time, make it part of your routine to offer a potty sit at the start and end of the bedtime process. If they still ask after that, you can allow one final attempt (but make it clear that this is the last one for the night). Set a one-minute timer, keep your tone calm and neutral, and move on when the timer ends. When potty visits are consistent and uneventful, they lose their power as a stall tactic.

Set expectations and practice ahead of time

If your toddler has turned bedtime into a nightly surprise party of requests and delays, one of the best things you can do is talk about and role-play through the routine ahead of time.

During the day, walk through what bedtime looks like. You can say something like, “First we do our bath, then PJs, then two books, then lights out.” Then pretend to go through the routine together like a little play-acting game. Kids love this kind of practice, and it helps them understand what to expect before the actual moment of resistance.

Within that routine, give your child some choices to give them a sense of control. You get to decide the overall structure (things like how many books, when lights go off, or when the last snack happens), but within that structure, your child can choose which PJs to wear or which book to read first. Predictable routines plus age-appropriate choices are a powerful combo for reducing resistance.

What if they say they’re scared?

Around age two or three, fears about the dark or imaginary creatures can become part of bedtime resistance. This is totally normal.

Start by validating the fear. You might say, “I hear that you feel scared. It’s okay to feel scared sometimes.” Then gently reassure them: “You are safe in your room and Mommy is always nearby.”

You can also help them learn what to do when they feel scared. Practice things like hugging a stuffed animal or thinking about a favorite memory during the day so that they have strategies to use at night. Just like everything else, this is a skill that takes time to build.

You’re doing a good job

If bedtime has started to feel like a presidential debate you didn’t sign up for, just know that this is a temporary phase and you’re not alone.

Your toddler isn’t trying to be manipulative. They’re trying to feel safe, in control, and connected. When you offer them a predictable routine, respond consistently, and stay calm in the face of repeated requests, you’re giving them exactly what they need.

It might not feel like it’s working on night one or even night three. But over time, consistency pays off. Their brains begin to relax. The battles get shorter. The routine becomes the routine again.

And YOU get a little more peace at the end of your day…!

If you’re struggling with bedtime (or any part of your day), I’d love to help. My free routines guide walks you through exactly how to build rhythms that support your child’s development and your own capacity as a parent.

👉 Click here to grab your FREE Routine Starter Guide!

Let’s make bedtime feel better—for both of you.

How to handle toddler bedtime stalling